Between foreclosures, buy and bails, and the over all slump in the housing market I thought it would be good to have some fun with mortgage terms. Most people may not get the humor, but try to have fun.
SLAM DUNK- Used to describe a loan which will want to make you want to slam down the file, and dunk the loan officer's head in boiling oil.
QUALIFY- Shoving a square peg in a round hole; what the processor must do, in spite of the facts.
PREQUALIFY- "Looks good to me, (hee, hee, hee) or "NooooProblemmmm"
PREDISCLOSURE- The opportunity given borrowers to find out up front that their actual loan cannot be explained in writing.
30 DAY PROCESSING TIME- No definition...Doesn't mean anything at all.
RATIOS- Something that can't exceed a set figure but always does.
COMPENSATING FACTORS- Applicant has been dead less than 14 days.
APPRAISER- Person paid to guess the value of a property and support his guess with comparables too old, too far away, and not similar.
SALARIED- Something all applicants are, regardless of the silly Schedule C's in their tax returns.
RENTAL AGREEMENT- A forged and fictious document provided so you can ignore the tax returns.
ELIGIBILITY- The martial or financial status of a good looking male or female applicant.
FINAL APPLICATION SIGN UP-
a. To the processor, time to hold your breath & turn it in, even though it's not all there.
b. To the loan officer, tentative approval.
c. To the sophisticated applicant, loan approval
d. To the unsophisticated applicant, loan closing.
TENTATIVE LOAN APPROVAL- "Looks fine to me (hee, hee, hee) Approval, subject to underwriting, appraisal, and PMI.
SUBMIT- To close your eyes, hold your breath, and hope the underwriter is hung over that day.
UNDERWRITER- God
SUSPENSE ITEMS- All the things you knew you didn't have when you submitted, which the loan officer said you didn't need.
REJECTION- A difference of opinion.
CLOSING- A time for surprises and renegotiation.
APR- The rate you get if you close in April.
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